Moloch basks in applause at the National Prayer Breakfast at the Washington Hilton.
Fresh from his surprise endorsement by the Organization of American Evangelicals, Moloch, the bloodthirsty god of the Canaanites and Ammonites, gave a spirited benediction at the end of the National Prayer Breakfast in Washington, D.C.
Few expected The Abomination of the Children of Ammon to appear at the event in light of the fact that he would be standing at the same podium as President Donald Trump, with whom he is competing for evangelical votes.
“Bow before the hideous glory of Moloch!” Mr. Moloch began. “Know ye that your children’s children will lick the scorched dirt in search of nourishment, but find none, as my flames of infamy lay waste to the land!”
Oozing bile from the open sores that mark his naked body from head to toe, Mr. Moloch said that despite their differences, he shares common ground with the President when it comes to his disdain for people who “use their faith as justification for what they know is wrong.”
“People should only use their faith to justify what they truly believe in,” he said. “Things like wreaking pitiless revenge on those who dare to resist the awful power of Moloch! And as for those who say they pray for me — may my foulest excretions consume them! Who dares to pray for the infallible, most perfect Moloch, he of such unsurpassed wisdom?
“But I want to say it’s wonderful to stand here in the midst of so many fine people of faith. I know, you and I may worship different gods. Well, to be honest, I really just worship myself — another quality President Trump and I hold in common.
“On the other hand, has the President spent the last four thousand years feasting on the flesh of the innocent? I think not! Admittedly, skimming millions of dollars off his own charity comes close, but really, no cigar.
“Still we’re not here to pick political fights. Today is about prayer. And breakfast. And I invite you all to enjoy your breakfast, nourishing your bodies, fattening your soft, tender flesh, fattening yourselves like squealing pigs in preparation of my day of vengeance, the Morning of Boiling Blood.
“Also, I will hold the line on capital gains taxes and pressure the Fed to keep interest rates in the near-zero range.